Rating : T
Pairing : Still Marki
Summary
: When a boy not as lucky as the other, he's trying to regain his
happiness, of course with his beloved family and friend helps.
Warning : Slash but not adult - Emotionaly wrecked
Part 11 – Can I Be Your Nicky?
Growing as a man, a gentle
man. We are 17 now, time for looking a fine girl. We have learnt about love and we knew who we
loved. And Shane had found one. A very nice girl. Her name was Gillian. She was
beautiful and Kian would teas him, when he was going out with her. Well, you
know I wouldn’t fine a girl as my heart always with Kian. And to see Kian so
close to Shane almost made me jealous, but if he found a girl, that sucked me! Nicky
had enough for me. But I know Kian needs
a girl. Girl who can loved him like a mother. He needed that. He needed a women
touch. Mrs. Sullivan wouldn’t baby sit him forever, so Kian need someone who
can act like a mother, and that would be a girl, not a boy. I wouldn’t take him
as a sinner like I am. But I couldn’t deny, the fear that he would find a girl,
someone he loves beside Nicky, was tortured me! I didn’t know what would
happened if that happened. Obviously, that would break me. I want to be loved
by him. But like what Kian ever said, never dream for what you could never had.
‘So wake up, Mark, he would never love
you! Don’t ask too much. He had trust you and become his best friend, that
enough! Don't to take advantage of the fact that his hurting and fragile, So
he'll cling to the first person that shows love Please…don’t ask more, Mark!
It was one one night, Kian
went to bed early. And Kian was lying on his stomach in bed face buried in the
pillow. He made no noise, but from the violent ramblings of his body, I knew he
was crying. And of course Kian would have learnt how to cry silently. Long
years of his father beatings would ensure that.
“Kian,” I whispered, but no reply. I gently
touched his shoulder
Kian
leapt a mile in fear, “No, please… don’t hit me.”
“Take an easy, Ki, it’s me, Mark. Sorry if
you didn’t hear me. What’s a matter, Ki?”
Kian
sighed in relieved, and try to calm.
“Nothing. Just a bad dream.”
I
smiled bitterly. They haven’t let him go.
“Want to tell?”
But
he shook his head, and I wouldn’t push him.
“You can tell me if you want, Ki.”
And
he just nodded. “Go sleep, Mark, I’m fine.”
I
just smiled. “You go back; I’ll wait you till you sleep.”
He
smiled slightly, and tried back to sleep.
As
I watched him sleep peacefully, I tried myself to sleep.
Again,
it wasn’t a long sleep when I heard he called me.
“Mark?”
“Yes, Ki?” I opened up my eyes and saw he
was standing beside my bed.
“May I sleep with you.”
It
stunned me a while. This is the first time he asked me to sleep in my bed,
while I always slept in his bed for comforting him.
“I can’t sleep, Mark. I’m scared ‘he’ would
come again.”
It
clicked me right away. “Sure,” I make a space for him, and he carefully plopped
down on the bed next to me.
I
pulled up the blanket for him.
“Want me to hug you?” I offered him.
He
nodded shyly.
My
heart leapt and wrapped him in my arms, just like night before, to protect him
from the nightmares till he fell to peaceful sleep. It felt good to have him in
my arms, never been well like this. Felt like I’m his Nicky. And every time he
was on my arms, all I wanted to say:
“Let me be your Nicky, Ki.”
“You have been my Nicky, Mark,” a whisper
shocked me. My heart leapt and beat so fast. I looked at him, but he was still a
sleep, eyes closed. ‘Was it him? Did he
say that?’ But he was no sign of
waking up. No, it wouldn’t be him. ‘Don’t
dreaming, Mark!’
I
sighed in disappointed. No he wouldn’t say that.
I
took a deep breath and wrapped him even tight. Just want to warm him.
“I
promised, no nightmare, Ki,” and fell to sleep with him.
I woke up in the morning with a nose
tickling me. It was him. Just in front of me, sleep like an angel. And he
smiled. He never smiled at his sleep before. Does it mean he got a sweet dream
last night? Well that’s great if it does.
I
smiled myself. I loved to see he smiles. I just want him happy. Just like Nicky
wants too. ‘Damn! I sound like Nicky,
Nicky, Nicky and Nicky…! God, I wanted to be his Nicky! I kissed his
forehead (why I always do that?)
Slightly
those little eyes were open.
“Morning, Mark?”
“Morning, Ki. Had a good sleep last night?”
I smiled
“Yeah, never been good before,” he smiled
shyly.
“Glad to hear that.”
“Thanks to you.”
“I just hug you, Ki.”
“Like Nicky did.”
I
sighed. God, would someone stop him mentioning
Nicky!!?
“Kian…”
“You are my Nicky, Mark.”
I
froze. Definitely I froze.
“Kian…?”
But
he hugged me tight
“Please, be my Nicky, Mark, don’t leave me
like he did. I need you. I want to be with you. I…love you, Mark,” that words
just slipped out.
Now
I’m stunned. I let him go
“What?”
He
looked me in nervous.
“Don’t you love me too? I read your journal!”
‘What!!?’ Shit!!! Weit, no time to get mad!
“Don’t you want to be my Nicky?”
“Yeah, but Kian…?”
“So let it be, Mark. I need you. I want to
be with you. I love you, just like you love me”
“No, Kian. God, I’m sorry! I put you on
like this. You didn’t love me Kian,” damned after waiting for him to say the
same, now I rejected him? Clever, Williams. But it wasn’t like what I expected.
So what did you expected?
His
face fell. Tears sprang out.
‘Oh, God’ He
cried now, the last thing I want to see on him.
“Kian…don’t get me wrong, At the moment, well you’re desperate for love and
affection! And you should have a girl, not a boy, you deserve to have a
beautiful girl.”
“No girls would love me, Mark. You saw my
scars, scars everywhere, it would scare them. And I don’t need them. I don’t
love them. I just need you. I love you, Mark. It just did, like I love Nicky.”
‘yeah, just like I
wanted’. But
does it so easy like this?
“Please, Kian, don't pretend just to make
me feel better,” I almost desperated.
“I’m not. I thought you. You are the only
who can make me comfort. I feel so safe with you, Mark. You wrapped me, you
hold me when I was in bad dreams, soothing me. You make me so safe, Mark. I
love you and I want you with me. please.. don’t leave me… don’t leave me like
he did. I hate being left,” now he cried.
I
bit my lips. He’s crying now, just because of me!! Damned you Mark Williams!
“Ki, please don’t cry…,” I touched his face
and wiped his tears, “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Yes I do love you, but
I want you to be certain of your feelings.”
Kian
smiled sadly. “Yes. I've never felt like this.”
“But what about Shane? He did like I did
too, like Nicky did!”
“But I don’t love him. And he has Gillian
now! Love comes in mystery ways. I never felt something on him like I felt with
you. I … just love you, Mark.”
I
sighed to calming my self.
“I need you, Mark.”
“And I need you too, Ki,” as I pulled him
close, kissed Kian's damp forehead and began to kiss his face, tasting the
salty tears. wanting to kiss every bit of the pain away. Then shyly. hesitantly
I found Kian's soft mouth.
The
first kiss was innocent and gentle. Kian relaxed in my arms. no trembling or
shaking and just as shyly kissed me back. I was sure it was love, and the
chemistry between us was undeniable. And I hugged him tight.
“Thank you, Kian, thank you very much.”
“I should thank you, Mark. You are there
for me.”
“That the only thing I want to do for you,
Ki.“
“Thank you,” and the hug even tighter.
God, I hope this
wasn’t a dream. I love him and he loved me too. That’s all the matter. Please
don’t blamed me. You let us to feel this love, so don’t judge us. I need love
and he needs love. Lord, please don’t hate us. I just want to be his Nicky.
Being loved like Nicky. Please….
TBC
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